This essay explores how behavior is communication; why people often speak through patterns, silence, and unfairness, and how clarity comes from believing what’s shown instead of what’s hoped for.
The Language People Actually Speak
My little sister got hit in the head by a non-verbal boy the other day.
Now, if any other boy hit my sister, I’d be upset.
How dare you put your hands on a girl?
But this boy is different.
He can’t speak.
So hitting people is the only way he can communicate.
Very understandable.
Honestly, if I were non-verbal, I probably would’ve hit my sister too.
Heck, I’m verbal, and sometimes I want to do it.
I’M KIDDING. RELAX. DON’T HIT ME.
Unless you’re non-verbal… then I guess it’s okay.
Did I mention my sister is on the autism spectrum?
She requires extra patience.
“Normal” people require extra patience too.
So if violence was the only communication style God blessed me with, I probably would’ve been using it to its fullest capacity. Unfortunately, I was born verbal, so I have to rely on words. Even when words feel insufficient for what I actually want to express.
Communication Isn’t Always Polite
The title of this piece is a wordplay on John C. Maxwell’s book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.
The premise of his book is simple: everyone can communicate, everyone can say words (he didn’t consider non-verbals), but very few people actually connect. The ones who do always build influence, relationships, and momentum in life.
But I want to twist that idea slightly.
Because most people don’t communicate the way you do.
Most people don’t read the books you read.
They don’t process emotions the way you process them.
They don’t reflect, reframe, and refine their thoughts before acting.
So instead, they communicate in ways that only make sense to them.
Sometimes that communication looks like avoidance.
Sometimes it looks like manipulation.
Sometimes it looks like entitlement.
Sometimes it looks like unfairness disguised as justification.
The question is:
Do you outcast them?
Do you try to understand from their lens?
Do you vilify them?
Do you excuse them?
There’s no universal right answer.
Different situations require different responses.
But if you don’t understand how people communicate — especially when it’s ugly, you’ll drive yourself insane expecting clarity where there is none.
Believe Patterns, Not Potential
An uncomfortable truth I had to swallow:
If someone is unfair, and they’ve shown you they’re unfair, allow them to be who they’ve proven themselves to be.
Stop being surprised.
Stop letting the same behavior knock the wind out of you every single time.
My mom took my entire tax return.
I worked all year. 42.5+ hours a week.
Got scammed by the government like everyone else.
And when it was finally time to reclaim a percentage of the money I earned… I got scammed by my mom instead.
You might be reading this feeling angry for me.
But honestly…
This is my fault.
I should’ve known.
She has proven herself to operate with the mentality of a dictator. She believes entitlement overrides effort. She believes motherhood grants ownership over her children’s labor. She believes sacrifice is a debt that can be collected indefinitely.
That’s how she thinks.
Why would this year be any different?
Unfair people don’t see themselves as unfair.
They justify, they rationalize. They reframe your frustration as ingratitude.
And if you let it, they’ll snowball your irritation into rage. Not because of what they did, but because you expected something from them they’ve never once demonstrated.
Peace Comes From Accurate Expectations
The reason I wasn’t angry isn’t because what happened was okay.
It wasn’t.
I didn’t get angry because I stopped expecting fairness from someone who has never prioritized it.
There’s a strange peace that comes with believing patterns instead of potential. When you stop assigning imaginary versions of people and start responding to the version standing right in front of you.
Some people communicate with words.
Some communicate with silence.
Some communicate with actions.
Some communicate with fists.
Not all communication is gentle. But it’s communication.
And once you understand the language someone speaks, you can decide how close you want to stand to them… without pretending you don’t hear what they’re saying.
Final Thought
This isn’t about excusing bad behavior.
It’s about protecting your sanity.
When you stop being shocked by people who have already shown you who they are, you stop bleeding emotionally over the same wound.
Everyone communicates. But not everyone communicates fairly.
Not everyone communicates clearly. Not everyone communicates with words.
Learn the language people actually speak, and you’ll save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartbreak.
Author’s Note
This reflection connects to other essays exploring integrity, rationalization, and the gap between what we expect from people and what they consistently show us:
This idea aligns with a foundational principle in communication theory often summarized as “one cannot not communicate,” associated with Paul Watzlawick.
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